No Regrets!

View out the left side of the place was unspectacular, no Waikiki or Diamond Head. I’ll be sitting on the right side when I fly out, so we’ll see how that goes. Dave’s flight landed 10 minutes after ours, so Scott and I headed to the gate to meet him there with smiles and hugs. We couldn’t have timed this any better.

After meandering our way around inadequately signaged Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, we collected our bags in baggage claim and headed to the hotel. Moderate traffic, but the warm sun and green mountains of Oahu made it OK.

Our Halekulani Hotel is fancy and well-located, nestled between what seems to be a shopping district and a thin strip of beach. From our balcony, we have a view of the pool, bar, and ocean. It’s a view that promises amazing sunsets. We sat out there to soak in the view, enjoy a drink, and have some laughs. The room also has toilet seats that automatically and enthusiastically raise as you approach and a remote control to manage the flush for you. The best part of my first toilet experience was the fan that senses your butt, gently turns on, and efficiently whisks away any odors that might be emitted down below.

Off to dinner at Deck, a fancy seafood restaurant with an impressive view of Diamond Head. Fantastic seafood dinner of crab croquettes, fish tacos, garlic shrimp, and a salmon roll. Over dinner, we had a good debate about Pete Rose, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, and other shady characters and their respective cases for the Hall of Fame. We’re all mostly on the same page.

To win the hotel room sofa bed, I won a best-of-3 rock, paper, scissors against with paper over rock. Scott got the rollaway bed, which is conveniently positioned next to the fridge.

This morning, we woke up super early (though not that early for us east coasters) for our sunrise hike up Diamond Head. The “rolling sunrise” alarm on Scott’s Android phone is the gentlest, kindest alarm I’ve ever heard. As we sat in an Uber on the way to the Diamond Head trailhead, we discussed what breed of dog each of us would be, and it was easy. We all agreed Scott would be a Golden Tetriever, Dave would be a German Shepherd/Chihuahua mix, and I would be a Border Collie.

We waited in line at the gate to get into Diamond Head, having arrived a few minutes before the 6am opening. It was still dark and the low-hanging clouds were gently misting on us, but we were ready to go. The gates opened, and we were off. Right away, Dave impressed us with his spry enthusiasm and agility, leading most of the way up. But as the sky lightened and the distance from the crater floor became apparent, Dave’s body posture and mood changed considerably. By the time we got close to the top, Dave’s deathly fear of heights was in full force, and his body began to take on something that might be described as a standing fetal position. It took patience and gentle reassurance to get him up the last few steps. But he did it. And we love him for it.

We made it up to the top just in time for sunrise, but the low-hanging clouds meant there wasn’t much to see. Still, the views were impressive, and it was all well worth it. Going up first thing is definitely the way to go, not only to catch a potential sunrise, but to avoid the crowd of tourists that grew by the minute.

We rewarded our efforts with a quick breakfast at Denny’s and then set off for Pearl Harbor. This is something Dave had really been looking forward to, as he is something of a World War II buff like me. We made it there just in time to catch our ferry to the floating Pearl Harbor Memorial, positioned over the sunken wreckage of the USS Arizona. I had been there once before, and it was mostly how I remembered it. But as I scanned the remains of the ship just below the surface, I couldn’t help but think that it was more recognizable as a ship when I was here 24 years ago. ChatGPT has this to say:

The USS Arizona is decomposing at a measurable rate due to corrosion and natural decay processes. The National Park Service has monitored its condition for decades, and studies estimate the ship may take centuries to fully deteriorate, though its structure is visibly changing. Saltwater corrosion and microbial activity are slowly breaking down the steel, weakening the hull and causing parts to collapse over time.

I got the feels watching guides lead a blind tourist off the ferry and around the memorial. How touching it was for a guy who cannot see to make the effort to come here just to be in the presence of such an important place. The guides told him where in the structure he was and kept turning him to explain what was in front of him. It got me.

After the memorial, we spent some time wandering the Pearl Harbor museums and exhibits. We got tickets to board the USS Bowfin, a historical US Navy submarine, which was somewhat interesting. And then we did a virtual reality experience. The three of us strapped on headsets and sat down in chairs while 3D animations recreated the Pearl Harbor attack and gave us tours of the intact USS Arizona as well as the remains as they exist today. The spatial processing was really impressive, but we all agreed that the resolution and texture mapping of the animations could have been better. My hot take is that placing us into a Japanese fighter approaching Pearl Harbor was in poor taste. Here we are at the site where the Japanese attacked and killed hundreds of Americans. Can you imagine a VR simulation on the grounds of the World Trade Center where you are placed in one of the hijacked planes?

From Pearl Harbor, we took a bus to the nearby Battleship Missouri. As Ralph, our tour guide and former sailor on the USS Missouri, was telling us about the ship, alarms which warn of tsunamis started blaring nearby. Everyone on the ship looked at each other for a few seconds and then carried on as if nothing was wrong. A weird moment.

Ralph told a touching story of a Japanese kamikaze pilot whose body was recovered on the deck of the battleship. Captain Callaghan advised his crew to give the young man a burial at sea with full honors, explaining, “An enemy who has died is no longer your enemy, just a young man who has given his life in service of his country.” Crewmembers followed orders and hastily sewed together a Japanese flag. A remarkable display of respect and humanity.

Then the Captain’s Tour, an optional add-on that showed us the captain’s quarters and sections of the ship that he frequented. The Missouri is a weird mix of 40’s and 80’s technology and smells, but it was all pretty cool stuff. Our tour guide, Shiloh, was friendly and full of information, but the experience might have been a bit more authentic if she wasn’t holding a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee cup the whole time.

We wandered around the battleship a bit more before calling it. It was gray and misty all day, which really set the mood for these somber sights we were visiting. Turns out that this kind of weather is also great for rainbows. I counted six of them today.

In the Uber on the way to dinner, Scott playfully engaged yet another Uber driver who barely spoke English. This was not discouraging for Scott, prompting Dave to make another Golden Retriever reference. I remarked that I was shocked Scott hadn’t eaten his hotel slippers yet.

Dinner was at Fête, a restaurant in Honolulu’s Chinatown, chosen because the owner and head chef is a friend of Scott’s wife. Robynne came over to introduce herself, and her friendliness and hospitality and generosity won us over immediately. She insisted we try the Chaz Burger on the menu, which was delicious, and then she treated us to a selection of desserts. The food and service were incredible, the drinks were flowing, the laughs came hard. The whole dinner experience was amazing.

Now back at the hotel and heading to bed early for our early morning flight tomorrow to Kauai! We’ll be doing a land tour and then a helicopter tour, which has had Dave on edge for months. Memories will be made.

So my friends Scott and Dave were talking about taking a trip to Hawaii this year to celebrate their impending 50th birthdays. Over the course of 2024, as drinks were shared and group chats grew from playful ribbing to X-rated irreverence and vicious character attacks, we bonded and found our group friendship growing and pulsating with love and affection. I waited for the most opportune time to ask… “Can I come to Hawaii?”

“Yes!” they cheered with resounding joy.

Scott is an affable, positive vibes guy. Dave is one of those brilliant dumb guys. He’s street-smart and a hotshot lawyer, but he’s absolutely hopeless with technology. These guys love to be social and sling potty humor, so it’s pretty much guaranteed to be a fun trip. But we’re not so young anymore. I’ve got this weird nerve thing going on in my left buttcheek that came out of nowhere a few days ago, and Dave says his back is killing him. Scott seems fine for now, but it’s only a matter of time before he starts whining about his knee cartilage.

As the one who has been to Hawaii before and possessing something of an OCD streak when it comes to trip-planning, I took it upon myself to start planning everything out in a master Google doc. After some bantering around with various island and excursion options, I think we really landed in a solid place with this itinerary. After arriving in Honolulu on the island of Oahu, we explore the city, do some local touristy stuff, take a sunrise hike up Diamond Head, and enjoy a sunset booze cruise off of Waikiki. We’ll be taking a day trip to Kauai, where we’ll be exploring the island by land and by air, with an exciting private helicopter tour around the island that a heights-phobic Dave has very mixed feelings about. Then a day trip and overnight stay on the Big Island, where we’ll be driving up to the top of Mauna Kea for a sunset and what promises to be a magical stargazing experience. We’ll be eating some of the best food Hawaii has to offer along the way.

Dave really wanted to do it up in terms of accommodation, so he booked the nicest hotel he could find in Honolulu for our first few days and then the nicest resort on Oahu’s north shore to finish things off. We’ll be doing some beach-hopping to soak up the sunshine and vibes and eats that the north shore is known for. Dave, despite not being an ocean guy himself, has a fascination with the big waves and surfing culture, so he’s most excited about this part of the trip. As an extra special treat, I’ve booked a romantic photo shoot on the beach with my old bartender-turned-photographer friend, Stephanie.

It may come as no surprise that the theme of our trip is “Three Gay Dads.” We are proud dads, but from the outside looking in, we’ll be three middle-aged dudes in Hawaii wearing flower shirts, skipping along the beach, and sipping tropical drinks together. But with all of the adventure, this whole trip also has a Point Break vibe to it. In this version, I am Swayze, Scott is Keanu, and Dave is Gary Busey.

And so begins yet another trip in what has been an exciting, travel-packed 2024 for me.

My suitcase last night resembled an open-faced sandwich, but I was able to zip it shut and meet Scott at Reagan National Airport early this morning. I found him wearing a powder blue collared shirt, just like me. Everything just felt right. Scott and I watched as Trump was declared winner of the 2024 presidential election on nearby TVs. After some light political talk, Scott and I agreed that now is a good time to just get out of DC and forget about this stuff for a while.

First leg to Minneapolis was just over 2 hours. I had a whole row to myself, which was nice. We’re now on the second leg to Honolulu, which should be about 8 hours. On both flights, Scott paid up for the fancy seats while I am slumming it back in coach. Scott being bougie has been the running joke of the day so far. My exit row gives me some nice legroom, but the electrical outlet under my seat is just loose enough to hold my laptop power brick for about 10 seconds before dropping it to the floor. I was able to prop the safety information card up under the power brick to support it and keep it plugged in, but I shouldn’t have to do this. Let’s tighten up those outlets to support modern electronic devices, Delta.

Looking out, we’re now flying over the majestic, snow-covered Rockies. The sun is streaming in through the window, which is good because the cabin is freezing and my left shoulder is just about the only part of me that is warm. I did the nerdy research to determine that the left side of the plane offers the more scenic view when arriving in Honolulu, so we’ll see how that pans out. Dave is relaxing comfortably in a first-class pod (even more bougie than Scott!) on a plane to Honolulu flying parallel to ours somewhere in the distance. We should all arrive in Honolulu at about the same time.

Turns out the wifi on this plane is limited, turning off altogether when we head out over the Pacific. You’d think in 2024, they’d have this stuff figured out already.